History lesson

jh grunt

<div class="IPBDescription">not all cowboy</div>For those who don't know about history....Here is a<br />
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condensed version...<br />
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Humans originally existed as members of small bands<br />
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of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in<br />
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the mountains during the summer and would go to the<br />
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coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.<br />
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The two most important events in all of history were<br />
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the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.<br />
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The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These<br />
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were the foundation of modern civilization and<br />
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together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity<br />
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into two distinct subgroups:<br />
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1. Liberals; and<br />
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2. Conservatives.<br />
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Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that<br />
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was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass<br />
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bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while<br />
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our early humans were sitting around waiting for them<br />
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to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. <br />
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That's how villages were formed.<br />
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Some men spent their days tracking and killing<br />
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animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking<br />
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beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the<br />
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Conservative movement. <br />
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Other men who were weaker and less skilled at<br />
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hunting learned to live off the conservatives by<br />
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showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the<br />
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sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the<br />
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beginning of the Liberal movement. <br />
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Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into<br />
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women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some<br />
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noteworthy liberal achievements include the<br />
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domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy,<br />
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group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to<br />
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decide how to divide the meat and beer that<br />
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conservatives provided.<br />
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Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized<br />
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by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth; the<br />
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elephant.<br />
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Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.<br />
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Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),<br />
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but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.<br />
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They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi,<br />
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tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.<br />
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Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of<br />
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their women have higher testosterone levels than their<br />
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<br />
men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,<br />
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journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group<br />
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therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the<br />
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designated-hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make<br />
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the pitcher also bat.<br />
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Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat<br />
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and still provide for their women. Conservatives are<br />
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big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,<br />
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construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police<br />
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officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and<br />
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generally anyone who works productively.<br />
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Conservatives who own companies hire other<br />
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conservatives who want to work for a living.<br />
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Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern<br />
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the producers and decide what to do with the<br />
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production. Liberals believe Europeans are more<br />
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enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the<br />
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liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were<br />
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coming to America They crept in after the Wild West<br />
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was tamed and created a business of trying to get<br />
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more for nothing. <br />
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Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be<br />
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noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to<br />
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angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.<br />
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A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of<br />
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the absolute truth of this history that it will be<br />
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forwarded immediately to other true believers and to<br />
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more liberals just to tee them off